Taking Grades for Teachers

Twisted Science

from

Students Who Know

How to Make a Verbal Pretzel

Out of a Perfectly Good Fact

     I found these snippets claiming to be actual student answers to test questions on a site called Daily Cognition.   The lay person would have difficulty believing their validity.  But those of us who have spent more than two serious weeks in the classroom know the truth!  They’re real and they’re hilarious!

     Have a laugh or two and feel free to share! 

When you breath, you inspire. When you don't breath, you expire.

The pistol of a flower is its only protection against insects.

A fossil is an extinct animal. The older it is, the more extinct it is.

When you smell an odorless gas, it is probably carbon monoxide.

For head colds, use an agonizer to spray the nose until it drops into your throat.

The moon is a planet just like Earth, only deader.

Artificial insemination is what the farmer does to the cow instead of the bull.

Dew is formed on leaves when sun shines down on them and makes them perspire.

To collect fumes of sulfur, hold a deacon over a flame in a test tube

.

Equator: A managerie lion running around Earth through Africa.

To remove dust from your eye, pull the eye down over the nose.

Momentum. What you give a person when they are going away.

Nitrogen is not found in Ireland, because it is not found in a free state.

Magnet: Something you can find crawling over a dead cat.

H20 is hot water. CO2 is cold water.

Rhubarb: A kind of celery gone bloodshot.

Vacuum: A large, empty space where the pope lives.

Respiration is composed of inspiration and then expectoration.

For a nosebleed: Put the nose lower than the body until the heart stops.

To prevent contraception use a condominium.

Blood flows down one leg and up the other.