Taking Grades for Teachers

A Retired Educator's View of

the Countdown to Holiday Break

and

Teacher Mental Health

     Though the majority of the population can’t spot a teacher in a crowd most of the year, from December 1 to December 21, give or take a few days, only the catatonic could miss us.  We are the people with permanently dilated pupils, mouths agape, some foaming at the mouth, pulled-look hair styles, and a tendency to mumble conversations with invisible beings. 

     That’s not to say that controlling a roomful of live wires with assigned seats is stressful this time of the year.  Goodness no!   It’s 100% absolutely MADDENING!

    How dare anyone attempt to calm us with soothing words. Balderdash!  We slam the door to the teacher’s lounge and snatch the last cookie form the plate.  We are not ourselves.  We are behaving like our children. We are going Scrooge.  We need the help of professionals.  And so we call The Mental Health Center for People Who Are Losing It!

Ring, ring, ring, ring, click. . .

   Thank you for calling the Mental Health Center for People Who Are Losing It.  Please listen carefully as our menu has changed for no apparent reason. . .

If you are going ego maniacal, press 1.

If you are feeling co-dependent, press 2.

If you are dealing with dyslexia, press E.

If you agree among yourselves that you are suffering from multiple personality disorder, press 4, 5, 6, and 7.

If you are compulsive/obsessive, press 8 repeatedly.

If you are experiencing problems with anger management, pound 9 with your fist.

If you are somewhat schizophrenic, press the number the voices in your head suggest.

If you are suffering from indecision, or you think you might be, or you don’t know, hang up and think about dialing again. Or maybe not.  Whatever.

If you are paranoid, don’t press anything.  We know where you are, and we’ll come and get you.

If you are suddenly psychic, we shouldn’t have to tell you which number to press.

If you believe you have been reincarnated and given an incorrect reassignment, press 0 to repeat the menu.

If you are a telemarketer, you must come by our office.  We believe in the personal touch.

click. . .

Well, so much for the professional approach, but a good laugh or two does it every time.  Hang in there.  That two-week break gets closer every minute.

Merry Christmas to one and all!